In Love and Dance
By Tasleem Rajwani

“Never date a dancer.”

“The dance floor is full of players.”

“Relationships in dance cannot last.”

I’ve heard comments like these about the world of dancing from friends, from passing conversations with strangers, and admittedly, similar words have come out of my own mouth.

My negativity first came from being in a relationship with a dance instructor for almost two years. I was new to the scene, and lacked confidence in dancing. So when I wasn’t included in his nights out, or involved in his lessons, I convinced myself that it was just because I needed to improve my dancing and wasn’t understanding enough about the ‘dancer’s life’.

To some of his friends I was introduced as his girlfriend, while to others, I was simply referred to by my name. Some days he would hold my hand or wrap his arms around me out in public, and other days, he seemed more distant.

Though I was not made a part of his dancing life, he wouldn’t hesitate to interrupt a dance that I was having with someone else or be angered about my learning from other instructors. He would apologize afterwards, sometimes blaming his anger, jealousy and double standards on his ‘Latino blood’. And other times, he would try to make things up to me with cute notes, or sweet messages. He would even surprise me at work with flowers, or just be waiting at my door unexpectedly.

But little did I know that the car he often brought over was not in fact his dad’s, as he claimed. It was his other girlfriend’s. And when a girl, who he had convinced me was his student, asked me how I knew him, she was shocked. “What do you mean? He’s MY boyfriend!” she said as her mouth dropped.

I felt hurt, angry and humiliated for not knowing that the guy had deceived me and others for so long. But what made me feel more naïve were some of the responses I got from other people: “What did you expect? He’s Latino and a dance instructor?” or “Welcome to the dance scene, they’re ALL like that,” I was told.

Over time, without even realizing it, I was probably helping these stereotypes along. As I heard more friends’ accounts of ‘the cheaters’ and ‘the liars’ on the dance floor, I just couldn’t seem to see past all that.
The more I focused on the negative relationships, the less I took notice of the couples who brought a positive picture to dancing - those who proved the stereotypes wrong. Though I was out accepting dances with a smile on my face, I still carried my pessimism with me.

But as I’ve started to let my guard down, I have come to see that healthy, authentic relationships do exist in dancing. So I decided that it’s about time that these relationships be credited. Though only three couples are featured here, this article is dedicated to them and all others who have met, grown and truly loved through dancing.

Geraldine Goyer and Peter Ferreira

Peter and Geraldine, the first couple, met about four years ago at a mutual friend’s birthday party. Peter almost immediately shared with Geraldine the story of a very serious car accident he had been in only a couple of years before. He was still struggling with memory loss, fatigue, and frustration over not being able to return to his former job. Geraldine gave Peter her card and invited him to try out tango dancing. She was aware of the healing aspect of dancing and could feel that Peter needed it.

Peter took an immediate liking to tango. He had absolutely no dance background, while Geraldine had been dancing since she was only five years old. Despite her extensive training in teaching and performance, Geraldine focused on helping Peter, rather than worrying about his lack of dance experience. She was patient, nurturing and encouraging towards him and always made him feel comfortable.

Geraldine was impressed by Peter’s perseverance. “He was always striving, gaining his goals, achieving things,” she says. This motivated her to keep pushing him. They practised regularly, and Geraldine gave Peter the opportunity to get involved in her dance lessons. He assisted in demonstrations in her classes, and within six months, Peter and Geraldine had their first performance together.

Rather than concentrating on the frustrations that may have arisen from the gap in their dance background, they both saw the positive influence that each of them had on the other. Geraldine shared her passion for dance with Peter, and this helped Peter build back his strength after his accident. Peter provided Geraldine with a new friend and dance partner at a time when she really needed it. Working with Peter also challenged Geraldine to take a role she wasn’t used to. “I just had to let go of being a teacher and really let Peter just lead me,” she says, “And that’s when things started to flow. It’s exciting to me to not always be the teacher, but to learn from others.”

Over time, the friendship between Peter and Geraldine grew to be more intimate, and Peter’s company brought a new kind of joy to Geraldine, “I think that if Peter wouldn’t have come into my life at that point as he did, with the tango as such a wonderful companion, I wouldn’t have been as happy,” says Geraldine.
Because of the faith and encouragement that Geraldine gave to Peter, and the trust between them, he didn’t become overly intimidated by her dancing with others. “Watching her dance with someone else… seeing how she just glides over the floor, I see her looking so beautiful, so graceful, and I just love her more,” says Peter.

Needless to say, the love and closeness they share gives their dancing an energy that can’t be matched by another partner. “I have a strong connection to Peter, which is so important for such an intimate dance like tango. And that comes out in our dancing,” explains Geraldine.

Renee-Claude Cyr and Elder Zeth Garcia

Similarly, a powerful connection, both on and off the dance floor, clearly exists between the second couple - Renee and Elder. These salsa dancers immediately came to mind for this article because they make it apparent that they are together not just as dance partners, but as romantic partners as well. Always holding each other, or smiling at each other lovingly, they take pride in having each other in their lives. And their warmth and affection is infectious.

This couple first met at a salsa event where Elder asked Renee to dance, “It was really refreshing for me to meet someone who is so energetic and has such a good heart,” Elder explains. Renee, touched by his words, smiles and leans in to kiss him in response.

Renee admits to being hesitant about pursuing a relationship at first. “In the beginning, it felt like this great person was coming into my life at a time when I wasn’t ready for it,” she says, as she places her hand on his. But luckily, they ran into each other at another event where they shared a bachata dance together this time. “It was his bachata that got me,” Renee says with a raised eyebrow. Her coy laugh quickly transforms into a silent smile, as if she is secretly recalling the details of that time.

Having taken a few bachata classes together since then, Renee and Elder entered a bachata competition last fall and placed second. The chemistry between them gave me goose bumps. They began the dance with a passionate kiss that had the audience cheering and whistling immediately.

What many people didn’t realize was that Elder asked Renee to look at him and kiss him, not for the audience’s benefit, but to calm Renee’s nerves and make her feel comfortable. “He is so supportive,” says Renee, “We supported each other and I actually ended up forgetting that there were people around us.” No longer dancing for the audience, but for each other, Renee and Elder allowed the crowd to share in a moving moment between them. And that energy was radiated not only in their dance, but out to the rest of the room as well.

What’s their secret? “We are more important than the dancing,” shares Renee, “A foundation for a real relationship, whether you’re a dancer or anything else, is trust, honesty and respect,” she reminds us.

And though dancing is an important part of their lives, they make sure that it is balanced with other activities as well. “Just because a couple goes salsa dancing together doesn't mean they are spending time together,” explains Elder, “As people, we need time to feel loved, wanted and romanced.”

Born in Guatemala, Elder completely refutes the stereotype of the hot tempered, controlling, jealous Latino. He treats Renee with respect and understanding. And, similar to Peter, he loves watching his woman dance with others, enjoying herself.

Renee, on the other hand, is the one who has felt some jealousy on occasion. “But I’m working on it,” she explains, as if excusing a weakness. On the contrary, I felt a strength and confidence about Renee by her confession, as if she was lifting a weight off me. After all, she is expressing emotions that many of us, especially women, would often try to conceal. “Elder and I met through dancing, and connected through dancing,” she points out, “So who’s to say that one day, he won’t have that connection with someone else out on the dance floor?” Her courage to voice her true feelings so openly is admirable. And this seems only a further reflection of the honesty and openness with which she and Elder deal with any issues that arise in their relationship.

Jennifer Perry and Stephen Dancey

The third couple suggested that we meet up at one of their favourite Latin restaurants - Zocalo - to discuss their relationship. Jennifer takes a seat next to me, and Stephen sits directly across the table from her. He reads through the menu list, asking Jennifer what sounds good to her, and together, they choose some dishes to share.

Jennifer and Stephen love sharing many aspects of their lives together. They met at a salsa dance class five years ago. Shortly after, Jennifer went off to Costa Rica for three months - a trip that was planned prior to her meeting Stephen. Despite the distance between them, they kept in touch. And in an email midway through Jennifer’s trip, Stephen let her know that he wanted to date her exclusively. When she returned, the two were inseparable.

Since then, they have continued taking classes together, have traveled to the Dominican Republic together and have organized many salsa events for the rest of the salsa community to enjoy.

At first, they were simply looking for a greater variety of dance venues and events to attend. What better way to ensure that their needs be met than to be in charge of the events themselves, they thought. “We wanted to generate the kind of events that we wanted to go to,” says Stephen. They set out working together, first designing a website, and then running a fundraiser for inner city kids. The following year, they decided that it would be fun to create a daytime event. And that’s how the Robson Square summer salsa days began.

Not only is dancing a fun, physical activity for them to share, but it also allows them to grow as business minded individuals and as a couple. “Jennifer and I are both organizers and entrepreneurial by nature, and dancing has provided us with an avenue to develop these abilities in a way we don't fully utilize in our professional careers,” explains Stephen.

The two of them dedicate so much of their personal time to broadening the venue options for the salsa community that it is easy to forget that they have their own regular daytime jobs - Jennifer is a child and youth counselor and Stephen is a graphic designer. What, then, motivates them to plan, organize, advertise, and DJ their own events, outside of their already busy schedules? “We get a lot of positive feedback. That’s what keeps us going,” explains Jennifer.

And much of this favourable response is a result of the atmosphere created by the couple themselves. Whether the event is outdoors on a Sunday at Robson Square, indoors at the Vancouver Public Library, or at the beautiful old Heritage Hall building, there is a consistent closeness - a unique family feel - at every one of their events. Much of this warmth and friendliness comes from the combination of Stephen’s fun loving and easy going nature, and Jennifer’s calm and caring demeanor. It is this warmth and caring that their relationship exudes into the environment that attracts so many followers.

Through these events, other dancers are given the opportunity to mingle and get to know each other better, just as Stephen and Jennifer did when they first met. And just as they are respectful and considerate of each other’s differences, they are also respectful of the variety of people who attend their events. People of all dance styles, all dance levels, cultures and ages are made to feel welcome. “We enjoy providing options for social dancing which reflect our beliefs, for events to be casual, fun, positive and inclusive,” explains Stephen.

Although they themselves have less time to dance when they are in charge of the events, they do try to sneak away for a few songs together because dancing is still very important to them, “Dancing has been an integral part of our relationship, right from the beginning, and it enhances every part of our relationship. I think it is one way we've been able to maintain that excitement and intimacy that couples experience in the beginning of a relationship, which can often get lost over the years,” shares Stephen.

But, Stephen, echoing the last couple's sentiments, clarifies that his relationship with Jennifer is most important. “I love and adore her, and our relationship gives my life meaning and value,” he says.

Likewise, Jennifer feels so blessed to have Stephen in her life. “There has not been a single day when he hasn’t made me laugh, or told me that he loves me,” she shares, “Stephen is my soul mate. He fills me with love and joy and all things good. There is no one in the world I would rather spend my time or my life with.”

As our discussion comes to a close, and the waitress clears our plates, Jennifer reaches over the table, to hold Stephen’s hand. The swishing of maracas and clap of the clave directs their attention towards the live band in the corner of the room. But my eyes are drawn back, for a brief moment, to the couple at my table. And I can’t help but to smile as I catch a glimpse of them, hand in hand, soaking in the sounds that first brought them together.