| Salsa
Safari
I'm making my way through the urban jungle
in the heart of the city to a 'salsa club'. I'm there solely
for scientific purposes having heard rumors of a weekly ritual
that draws a variety of species together for a night of uninhibited
dancing.
My task: to research the varied wildlife
found in this place off the beaten track. As I near my destination
the night sky is pierced with the sounds of tribal drumming
and an intoxicating savage rhythm called the 'Clave'. I enter
the habitat with caution; this is definitely not a place for
novice explorers. The climate is extreme, I am immediately
hit with a wall of heat. I quickly take a post in a corner
of the beautiful cave-like environment and start taking notes.
Here is an overview of all the wildlife
I observed:
Gorilla (Breakus Armus)
Fairly large population; I only observed males of
this species. Appears to strong-arm his way through moves
and turn-patterns. The goal seems to be trying to wrench off
the arms of their partners.
Eel (Slipperee Whenwet)
This species seems to sweat a lot but doesn't take
the time to dry off or change their 'skin' every now and then
as all the other species seem to do.
Rabbit (Bopto Thebeatus)
Prefers to move vertically to the music, hops around
while dancing. Appears to be emulating the movement of a bouncing
ball.
Gazelle (Ideale partnera)
A beautiful species to observe. They are graceful
and light on their feet. They have very sharp reflexes and
quick response times. They are very desirable to all the other
species and are almost always engaged in dance throughout
the night.
Penguin (Robotulatus)
This animal seems to be lacking fully developed knee
joints, as they have trouble bending their legs. They are
very stiff and seem to have problems transferring their weight
properly.
Skunk (Horriblus Smella)
These animals have a very pungent odor; they appear
to be part of a very strict sect which bans showers or the
use of deodorant or perfume.
Peacock (Showoffious)
This animal always needs to be the center of attention.
They prefer to only dance with other peacocks or animals which
will enhance their image while on the dance floor. Their desired
partners are either good-looking or good dancers.
Octopus (Tryto Gropeus)
Another species in which I only observed male examples.
They seem to have many hands, as many as eight it seems, though
when observed in a resting position it appeared they only
had two. Their hands are usually all over their partner and
they consistently place them in inappropriate places. They
differ from most of the other species as they often try other
physical contact while not on the dance floor.
Python (Toclose Forcomfortus)
This is definitely a predatory species; they hold
their dance partner really tight. It appears they are trying
to either asphyxiate their partner or actually meld together
with them. It will take further research to determine which
hypothesis is correct.
Wolf (Stalkercitae)
This animal is definitely a hunter, always searching
the club for prey. This is a predominantly male species. Their
prey usually consists of beginner dancers especially the ones
alluringly attired.
Leech (Stickus Likegluetus)
The leech tries to cling onto their partner for the
entire night. They don't leave their partners after one set
of salsa. If their partner is dancing with someone else they
will stand very close to them instead of finding another partner
to dance with.
Deer (Juststarted Todanceous)
Appear really anxious when dancing. They are definitely
prey to many of the species in this habitat. They seem to
be afraid of intricate patterns and often look like they're
caught in the headlights of a vehicle.
Lovebirds (Kisee Faceous)
Seem to have a designated partner for the whole evening.
Arrive and leave together. They dance very close to each other;
but be careful not to confuse with the Python, this is an
altogether different species.
Barracuda (Sweet Talkera)
Also predatory, their goal is to get their partners
alone so they can get a series of apparently random numbers
written on scraps of paper. They spend a lot of time talking
as opposed to dancing.
Tasmanian Devil (Outof controla)
This animal must have a very large natural habitat.
They are all over the dance floor, constantly doing lots of
spins and intricate turn patterns without proper execution,
and are still able to crash into other dancers and step on
toes even when the club was near empty near the end of the
night.
Clam (Concentratae Reallyhardae)
This species appears to be mute. They never talk
and rarely smile while dancing, very serious.
Vulture (Wantyour Partnerous)
Vultures have a distinct attack. They circle the
dance floor looking for someone they want to dance with and
they will hover around while their prey is dancing with others,
patiently waiting to seize them once the song is over. If
their desired partner ignores them and dances with someone
else, they will continue hovering and circling until their
prey succumbs.
Lion/Lioness (Getout Yourcamerae)
King or queen of the dance floor. This seems to be
a rare species. They are great dancers who are exciting to
watch and usually have circles formed around them while dancing.
Not to be confused with Peacock, this highly skilled animal
dances with all species.
Chameleon (Multitalentous)
Proficient in many different types of dance - hip-hop,
ballroom, samba and salsa. Can look like a completely different
dancer depending on the style being used for that song.
Millipede (Tenleft Feetus)
This animal has a unique skill that makes it falsely
appear to have more than two feet. It can simultaneously dance
on every beat, completely ignoring the rhythms and beats of
the music. It is very easy to spot as it is moving completely
out of sync with everyone else on the floor.
I must say I am captivated
by all that I saw this night. After the tribal dancing is
over, the wildlife leaves the club dehydrated and tired. Their
bodies appear bruised and battered from the evening. Why do
they leave their natural habitat and gather here week after
week? What draws them to this dance? Further study is required.
That concludes my observations for this evening.
Credit: an edited
version of Tricia Meikle's original on TOsalsa |
